As you get older, the world tries to hand you a script.
“Grow up.”
“Get married.”
“Start a family.”
“Get a real job.”
What they rarely say out loud — but is almost always implied — is:
“Conform to our expectations.”
“Stay in the box we understand.”
“Please don’t outgrow us.”
I know this because I lived it.
I’ve been told to abandon my dreams, take safer paths, and make “responsible” decisions that looked good on paper but didn’t sit right in my soul.
And for a while, I listened.
Until I came across a story that shook something loose in me.
It was a short Buddhist fable — simple but powerful — that changed how I saw myself, my leadership, and other people’s expectations.
The Buddha’s Fable: A Lesson in Ownership
One day, Buddha was sitting quietly with his disciples when a man approached and insulted him in front of everyone.
“You’re a fraud. A disgrace. You’re wasting people’s time!”
But the Buddha didn’t flinch. He didn’t even look annoyed. He just sat there — calm, unmoved.
After the man left, one of the disciples asked, “Master, why didn’t you defend yourself?”
And the Buddha replied:
“If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”
“To the one who offered it,” the disciple said.
“Exactly,” said the Buddha. “And so it is with anger, insults, and opinions.”
That one story reframed my entire relationship with other people’s judgment.
It taught me that opinions are like packages:
You’re not obligated to open them.
I started applying this to all the “gifts” people had handed me over the years.
“You should stop freelancing and get a stable job.”
“You should stop caring for your mom and go live your life.”
“You should be on Tinder by now and find a partner.”
My reply, every time:
“I don’t accept your gift, but thank you anyway.”
I came to believe something I now call a Henryism:
Others’ opinion of me is none of my business.
That line has carried me through fear, disappointment, and self-doubt. And it’s become a cornerstone of how I lead — and how I coach others to lead.
Because if you’re going to lead anyone, you’d better know what weight is yours to carry… and what you need to put down.
Three Leadership Truths I’ve Learned the Hard Way
- There are no unbiased opinions.
Every opinion comes with strings — shaped by that person’s fears, history, and needs. When people give you advice, ask yourself: who does this really serve?
- People will try to make their fears yours.
Even well-meaning loved ones may try to talk you out of your path — not because they don’t believe in you, but because they’re afraid of what your boldness might reveal about their comfort.
- Fitting in won’t set you free.
You can wear the uniform. You can say all the right things. But if you’re denying who you really are, it will catch up with you. Leadership starts when the masks come off.
My Invitation to You
If you’re feeling the weight of unsolicited advice, outdated expectations, or other people’s fears — I hope this gives you permission to put them down.
You don’t have to pick up what isn’t yours.
You can lead with clarity and conviction, without carrying the need to please everyone.
You can simply say:
“I don’t accept your gift, but thank you anyway.”
And walk forward.
Because the world doesn’t need more people who blend in.
It needs more leaders who know who they are.
If this message resonates with you, and you want to learn how to lead from the inside out — not the outside in — I invite you to check out my free leadership quiz: trip.henrychidgey.com
Let’s keep building leaders the world can follow.